eto n nga b cnsbi ko..

"Be ready for the consequence.."

a friend told me that..
yah..i'm sure i did try my best to be ready..
but still like any other person..i'm not perfect...

akala ku,.ok nah..
un pala..lumala..
i don't like to act like guilty, bcuz i'm really not..
although, lumalbas na defensive ako
i just really want to give my side..
mali ba ang sbhin ang side ko?
ndi nmn sa paghugas kamay ang ibig kong sbhin ng pagssbi ng side..
it's for clarity..
bad shot na tuloy ako..
awtz..

para akong nakipag-away sa kaclasmeyt ko..
i felt awkward..
nasesense ku na tlga ung pgiging cold nya saken..
i don't like that feeling na from the rest, naiisolate ako..
sbi n nga ba e., dapat ndi ko n tlga cnbi yon..
peo sumsgi rin sa icp ko..mali ba ang magsbi ng totoo?
ndi ku n tuloy alm, kung paninindgan ku to..
or ibababa ku ung srili ko ..nnman

auko tlga ng pkiramdam n to...
a lot of people tlga, na ndi ako mxdong kilala..thinks that i'm just covering my face with white silhouette..
eh panu nga ninyo mllman, kung kayu mismo eh ndi gmgwa ng paraan pra
mkilala ung tao??!
alanganmng ung tao ang lmpit sainyo?
what if this person thinks na pag lmpit xa seo eh, mpphiya lng xa?
never mo bng naicp yon?

ur the first one who judged..
i just followed you..
because i think ur a model..
sorry kung ngiging ganto ako..
i just can't express myself to you..
there's a boundary that you keep building..
u never try to get to know me..since you have your own pnniwala...

sana lng maayos na to..
i can't stand this feeling...
wag nmn snang ipangudngod sa mukha ko, na ganto lng ako kaliit...
i mean gatuldok lng ako..

life must goes on..and yes, i'll take the consequence, whatever it is..

Comments from pYzam.com

+**izhel**+

nice nice..normal n ulet..

masasabi ko bng abnormal yun?
hahaha..OO..malamang....
Paglalandi b nmn araw-araw..ang inaatupag nung taong yun
auko ko tlga sa mga taong ganun..
oo alam ko trip lang yon, peo..
ndi ku makuha ung point kung baket kelngn p nilang manlande
for pleasures?...nope, pwes ndi natutuwa ang nilalande nila..
nag-aaksaya lng xa ng paNahon na sana ginugOl n lng nia sa makabuluhang bagay..
sbi ko nga sakanya "Landiin mo ung malalande, dun matutuwa ka, saken wala kang mapapala"
aba aba, after kung sbhin yon tuloy pa den..
cnsbhan ku na nga ng "Yuck, ang lande"..ayaw p rin..
naimune na ata sa word na malande..

peo buti n lang..haizt..bute n lng tlga
nagcng na xa sa katotohann..
ntpos n rin ang bangungot ku..
please lng sna wala ng kasunod..
kpg ndi ako nakapgpigil, susuntukin ko tlga yoN!
nttkot lng akong mnuntok, kc dame tao eh..

buti n lng,,sa iba na nabaling ang atensyon niah..
hahaha..saya..back to normal nah..
ndi n ako naiilang..
weeee...granny betch!!..
yun ang dapat!..
xpexal menxon!

ayun, wla lng xer ku lang...
keah ung mallndi jan!, tgilan nyu n yan..
kung sa inyo trip lng yan, sa mata ng ibang tao iba na yan...
atska ngapla..wag nyong sayangin ang panahon nyo sa mga taong wala nmn kaung mappla..ok?
kung ako sainyo..stick to only one n lng ako..
dun rest assured na ndi ako mssktan:)
piece of advice lng nmn pre..at 'te..
db?
hahaha...
:)

No hard feelings..

"I admire people who hates me.."

A teacher told me that..
but unfortunately, she wasn't able to explain it to me because of...*ehem*..
my classmates..*_*

For me, i'm not being defensive..
i just... wanted to let her know that she shouldn't think of any other reasons..
except for that..

She said that there's only one rule in answering that bio/autograph/slam..i dunno..paper..
and that's being honest

So i just being true to myself.,and i said that..
but at the back of my mind, i should've said others na lang, so that she won't get mad..
but i'm a good student..:D

It's not really hate..
it's more of..ahmm..the teacher I least like..
that's all..

But now, hmm..
i don't have any hesitant..
that incident gave me a chance to know her more..
thanks to that..hehe XP
I'm not worrying anymore..
but i just hope she wouldn't feel cold with me.

And yep, she shouldn't worry about that..
it's just a nonsense..
i hope to get to know her well, and maybe i misjudged her..
lets see..

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. ~Mark Twain

love nga ba un?

ngpla..my featured song for this week is white horse by taylor swift..
actually i don't know why i chosed that song..
ndi nmn ako heartbroken dahil iniwan ng BF..
eh' wala ngang BF panu mahaheartbroken?! (watever)
at indi nmn ako ung someone na realize that my fantasies aren't reality noh..
i'm just finding an inspirational song on the web
when suddenly the word white horse bumped into my mind..(anong konek?)
so there it goes..ur currently listening at white horse..

what's the connection with the title above?
ahm..wait! i'll try to connect!..haha..
"now it's too late for you and your white horse to catch me now"

one person na pumapxok sa isip ko ay ang taong gnwan ko ng kalokohan nung nagdaang taon ng buhay ko.. i'm not aware na kahit ako mssktan din..
so i'll share you a story..actually ewan ku lng kung dpat b xang tawaging story..

when we were in grade 6, usong uso yung 'autograph book'..
ndi ku pa alam nun ung cnsbi nilang lab..except ung love sa family and kai god..
grabe,..i can't imagine kung ganu ako kainosente noon...
kahit ngaun p rin nmn i still don't know many things, well atleast ngaun alam ku n yang lab n yan..
go on, so ayun nga pinpsulat saken ng klasmeyt ko kung cnung crush ko..
dahil wala akung maicp, nagicp n lng ako ng lalake sa klasrum na mabait, mapute
at ung ideal man n pde..
so cnulat ku xa..
ndi ku nmn alm na sa cmpleng autograph book n yon..ay mggng big deal sa buong klasrum..
dun na nagcmula ang tuksuhan..
take note, ndi ako ang inaasar sknya , xa ang inaasar saken ng mga kaibgan nya..
ska lang nagsunuran ung mga kaibgan ko..(bah,,yabang ah..haha) jowk
so aku nmn na parang walang muwang na bata..nagttaka kun bat ganown..
un pla..ang mokong eh mei gus2 ..
first tym kong naranasan ang gnung pagkailang sa klasrum..
so after nun, npncn ku ung mga efforts nya..
sa araw-araw na pagtxt saken..pagpsa ng mga love quotes..
kinilig nmn ang lola nyo,..haha
ewan ku lng kung ligaw n yun ah..
after ilng months, nalmn ku n ung klasmeyt ku na fwnd ku rin eh mei gus2 s knya..
peo ndi lng xa , mrmi png iba..
nging mature bgla ung pagiicp ko after nun..(ewan ku b kung bket)
mei naalala akong tym na cnbi saken ng isa kong klasmeyt kung mei pag-asa daw ba..
"wala noh!,,,ang panget keah"..cngaw ku ata un..
pagtas nun nahinto nah..
peo khit nahinto na , tuloy p rin cla sa pang-aasar..tas tuloy p rin yung guy sa pagngiti-ngiti,
i mean pagpapacute..hahaha
nung graduation nmin naalala ku pa, nagpapiktyur saken nanay nya ksma xa..
haha..ewan ku lng kung nsan n yung photo...(memory rin yun..haha)

1st yir..tuloy p rin sa pagpapakyut..
hnggng sa nrmdaman ku na patay..anu na tong napasukan ko?
prang nahuhulog ako? korni..haha
peo un tlga ung narmdamn ku nun..
walang formal na panliligaw..
bsta tuloy lng sa pagbbgay ng sinyales na mei gus2 ang mokong..
pag dating ng summer..
pormal n xang nanligaw..through text nga lang..
tinuruan ku p nga xa na dapat muna xang magpaalam ..haha
ang problema dlawa cla ng kaibgan nya nanligaw..
anung mggwa ko?..so binsted ku ung isa..
so xa nnmn ntira..
grabe ilang linggo kong pinagispan yon..
lilipat na rin kc ako sa SOLS ng mga panahong yon..
at ung kaibgan nmen eh may gus2 sknya..
eto nnmn ang lola nyoh, magpapaubaya nnmn..
ndi ku kc alm kung tunay b ung narrmdmn ku..
oh bka joke lng din ung knya..
at prang mxdo p kming mga bata..(etsetera etsetera)
ung mga gnun..paulit ulet na pumpxok sa icp ko..
hanggang sa nagdecide na ko..
tinext ku xa na mgkita kme..(yup..lakas ng loob ko noh! haha)
ksma nung 2 friends ko..
iniwan nila kming dalwa at dun kmi nagusap ng macn-cnan..
first tym kong nkita ang mta nya na namumula..
ewan ku kung dala lng sa puyat ng kakatext saken o bka dahil sa mga pinagssabe ko..
pra kc saken isang kalokohan lng lahat ng nanyare..
ilang days ang nagdaan..
na miss ku rin ang pagtxt nya saken..
ewan ku b ..ang gulo kong tao..
feeling ko tuloy pinaasa ku lng xa..
pinaasa rin nmn ako ng feelings ko eh..kala ko totoo un pla nde..(awts)
nwalan n kmi ng communication sa isa't isa..
sa hule nasktan p rin ako..(di ku akalain yon)
kala nga mga kaibgn ko..ndi ako nsktan....
ndi ako manhid mga tol..
khit papanu npmahal n rin saken ung mokong n yon..

2nd yir bndang xmas..
mukhang mei balak nnmn xa..
ang lola nyo nmn..eh..filing ko handa na rin..
but then ito ang cnbi nya sa kaibigan ko
"noong una masakit na, pangalawang pagkktaon sobrang sakit na, baka sa pangatlo dahil sa sobrang sakit ndi na ko mktyo"
ayun, kasalann ku rin nmn eh..
alam ko yun..
so i let go..
kahit na alam nmin na pdeng magwork out..dahil sa lack of communication..
nanataling bato n lng..
mas mgnda n rin un..dba?

days passed..nkklmtan ku n xa..xmpre kc ndi n kmi nagkkita..
bali-balita na ako p ren ang gus2 nya..but now, meon n raw xang iba..
ok lng..kc khit ako nghhnap n rin nmn ng iba..nkapag moved on na ko sa kalokhang gnwa ko..
at mai natutunan nmn ako..

una, wag kang magpapaasa ng taong maaari mong mahalin
pangalawa, be careful sa nrrmdamn mo, ndi mo alam kung totoo yan o hinde..
at panghule, wag magsslita ng tapos..

yup, lessons learned..
the feeling is not there anymore..
but memories will still remain..

i think the play for hide and seek of the chance is already over..
we did not won, yes but we learned something..
and that will always remain..

kninah, nkita ko xa sa cmbhan..we did not talk or even recognize each other..
there's a feeling of guilt..
but i know the long battle of wait is over..
it's useless to wait for the chances..i'm telling you, for chances is not coming anymore because it already passed..

keah kung ako senyo na halos na sa harap nyo na ang chance...
sunggaban nyo nah...mahirap nang magsisi sa hule..
pero sa situation ko nmn, ndi nmn ako nagsisisi...
narealize ko lng tlga..haha..anu daw?

"bkit ganon, minsan nlng magcryoso d k p cnryso! minsan k nlng magmahal d kp mahal ng taong mahal mo at higit sa lahat minsan m nlng maramdaman 2 manhid pa ang taong napili mo!"
-ako ata pinptamaan nito ah..haha (tawa n lng)

peo eto ang say ko:
"kung magpaalam n ako ppigilan mo kaya aq? pano pg lumayo n ako nung ggwin mo? mlamang dedma lang.. pro kung skali man, tandaan mo.. tnry ko pigilin sarili ko kaso hinayaan mo lang ako.."

its too late, yes, it's too late for you to catch me now..

thnx sa memories pre!..hehehe..XD
(korni ung iba, hayaan nyu na..mnsn lng nmn 'to eh!)

some changes..

hey, my rf ra, give me a thought to change the template of my blog..
thanks to him i was able to find a good one..nice! xpexal mention!..

Tears for you and me..

tuesday- oct.13 ..not a good day for me..
You now the feeling of expecting too much?..
at the end, it can hurt you, more than you expect..
I can't believe that a little creature can make me cry..
and can make our friendship gone..
but..there's a big BUT
for me, its more of the promise..not that little creature..

I hate broken promises..
if someone promised me, i expect too much..
that's one of my weaknesses, i know
but after this incident, i don't think i can expect to anyone anymore,
the way that i expect before..the same with trusting..
i learned that i should be fair with myself..
i shouldn't put too much effort to someone who doesn't even have the courage to fulfill his promises..

klase lng nmn ako ng tao na kung anu ang pinpkita mo
un ung paniniwalaan ko..
nothing more except for that..
keah kung pinkta mo na ur willng to do it..
i will expect you to do it..
peo ang knlbasan muka lng akong tanga..
yah..mukang tanga..
isa pa nga ulet..
muka tanga
yes, mukang tanga..

dat nyt..grabe..lahat ng mga napgdaanan nmin, pmxok kgad sa icp ko
para akong binaril bgla ng walang kalban laban..
filing ko tlga wala akung kkmpe, what a pathetic girl who was deserted by her friends
but den, buti n lng anjan c fwend..
khit la clang microphone sa bahay..
he managed to listen to me..
even my voice was shivering..
khit na nagrreply lng xa sa chat..
and, mahigit 1 hour din kmi nagdaldalan..
bcuz of that i forgot the problem..

but the problem is,, my friend is not only my problem..
there is another one..
he realized something that never been flashed even once in my mind..
i thought.."oo nga nmn, bat di ku naicp un"
at first, i think it can't affect me..
i tried to think of it again..and*shoot*..
it didn't failed to hit me..
i can't find a way to solve that problem
bcuz i know by heart i can never be replaced that name..
because that word symbolizes alot for me..
i just thought na..don't care what other people say..
as long as u know by heart our relationship, their approvement isn't needed..

wednesday..
my friend which i stated that he realized something,
noticed something in my face
"mukhang galit na galit ka sknya ah"
he said..
well totoo nmn..
that morning, my friend which i spoke earlier, didn't say any single word for me..
we didn't talk..
pride kung pride..
but nung hapon..
i was not really happy for his apologize..
aside from he's laughing..
i know someone motivated him to do that..
i know i need to be happy because we're magkakayos na..
but knowing that someone just insisted him na makipagayos is not good for me..

nung gabe..
we talked in chat..
i noticed that he's not paying attention..
xmpre as a friend..
i felt bad..
kung alam lng ng kausap ko..
namamaga na ang mta ko habang nkikipagchat..
peo kahit nah i'm not satisfied sa gnwa nyang apologize..
still pntawad ko xa..
inicp ku n lng na
"walang mggwa ang lecheng pride na yan"


Lessons learned?
hmm..negative eh..
never ecpect too much..
don't put much trust..
be sensitive on others feelings..(isang positive!)

maybe the pain is not there anymore..but still there's a scar that will never go away..
a scar that marks my katangahan..
and a scar that will always remind me this problems..

ang emo..
ayan na muna..
actually..aus na kming lahat..
i hope everything will be fine nah..
alam nmn ng lahat ng friends ko na mahal na mahal ku xla..

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."
sna nga totoo..>.<

+**izhel**+

what an ugly dream...hahaha

This is crazy, when i heard it..i can't believe that it happen..
i'm really shocked..its last month but i don't know if its true..
so here goes my dream..

I dreamt of someone holding my hands..and then we seperated..
the scene captured me and the guy running together...
and then i recognize the guy, and it's my classmate..(whatt!)
but were not alone,
there are still other people at our back..but he's the only one i recognize..

I can still remember that we're running at the top of the mountain..
which before i slept, i kept thinking about mountain climbing :)
and then this guy laid on the grass..
then i ask him.."baket ka humiga jan?"
then he said.."Pagod na ko e.."
he placed his hand on his forehead..
tinignan ku lng xang nakhiga..
then i woke up..

that morning,,,i told myself.."what an ugly dream!"
hahaha..
den..i went to school as usual..
it's lunch time..when this guy, went to our table and told me..
"alam mo napanaginipan kita!, sinuntok mo daw ako tas nagdugo ilong ko"
den i laugh..i told him.."matakot ka un lng yon!"
den naalala ko npaniginap ku rin xa..
i told my friends about it..
naicp ko lng..
what a coincidence na napanagipan ku xa tas napanaginipan nya ko..
i don't know whats the meaning of that..
can somebody tell me?

but one thing for sure, we're not romantically involved..
and he's just a simple klasmeyt na mhilig magpatawa..
but still it's a mystery for me..
well anyways, it's not a big deal..just wanna share abt it..
hahaha..

+**izhel**+

"To dream that you are holding hands with someone, represents your connection with that person. Your dream may also reflect anxieties about losing touch with him/her or that you are drifting apart. "

if you want to know more about dreaming just visit this site:

http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary

intrigue?

ok...my second blog for blogger.com..

the first one didn't went well actually..
napagod na kc ako to do some updates..(what a ningas-cogon!)

so here i am blogging for my new blogsite.. this one is all about me..my ideas, my favourites...or anything that everyone can relate..

BTW,..i'm not a pink-lover..it's just so happen..na maganda ang template na itech at nakapukaw ng aking pansin..
i love blue but ewan, i can't find nice template for blue..

the song ngapla na featured sa aking blog ay Fall to pieces by AL..
i'm not really her fan, and this song is just new to me.. i heard it from harryandhermione.org it's a song dedicated to them..
i decided to put it here to share with you guys..

i got the idea of the banner from my pakner..
nice xpecial mention!..louie..
i thought magnda nmn kung meon kng personalize banner..

I'm not sure kung lahat ba ng isusulat ko rito ay may sense..hahaha..
sumtyms kc pag wla ka s srili mo kung anu-anu n lng ang gus2 mong isulat..
well anyways, volition (oops, galeng yan kei papa erwin!LOL) nmn nting gawin ang anything na gus2 naten..
i think iistop ku na muna yung iba kung blog...
my other blogs are left hanging..like the one in my friendster accnt and multiply..
i dunno, when i got bored..i stop..that's all..
hahaha..
well have a good night everyone.

+**izhel**+